Coping With The ‘Holiday Blues’
Q&A with a Registered Social Worker
The holidays are supposed to be a joyful time of year, but for many people it can be a lonely, isolating, and stressful experience. Why is it like this?
We interviewed Peachey Counselling and Family Support team member, Registered Social Worker, Kate Brockbank. Read what she had to say about coping with seasonal depression, most often referred to as the ‘holiday blues.’
Q: What are some of the challenges that people face over the holidays that can lead to depression?
A: For most of us, this will be the first time we don’t get to spend December 25th with our family. We are all feeling frustrated and isolated due to the COVID restrictions that will prevent us from spending the holidays together. Perhaps you are an older individual who cannot see their children or grandchildren. Perhaps you’re a parent who just had a baby and you cannot share this special milestone with your parents and extended family. Maybe this is your first Christmas since a big breakup or the death of a loved one.
Whatever it is, this holiday season is taking its toll on everyone - triggering memories and leaving us with emotions of grief and loss. We’re used to office holiday parties, secret Santa, crowded malls and celebrating that one day a year with family, great food, and lots of presents under the tree. With the presence of COVID, many of these yearly traditions have not been able to happen. We’re used to this social time of year and showing people we care about them through gift giving. Its important to remember that just because you may not be able to celebrate these seasonal events or exchange gifts (in-person) this year, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the holidays or show those you love, you care. If you are not able to see your family members this year because they live in other households, remember that you are doing this for a reason! If you can, take the time to talk on the phone, or schedule a family zoom call.
FOMO on a ‘perfect’ Christmas Many influencers on Instagram and Facebook seem to be continuing life as usual - Kardashian private island party - neglecting many COVID protocols and still seeing friends and family. This can cause us to feel like we are missing out and reminds us of all the things we could be - or used to be - doing during the holidays. Managing expectations about what the holiday is supposed to be like can be very difficult.
Q: Why do these emotions come up year after year at this same time?
A: This holiday season is a culmination of the year, and this year Christmas will be different, just like the rest of 2020. Some people may look at the holiday season as just a trial to get through, whereas for others it can be a period of hope and happiness. Many of us harbour expectations around forging new memories with our children or family, and these memories will look a bit unusual this year. Restrictions are indeed disappointing, but remember that by staying apart, you are ensuring that the health and safety of your family is the top priority.
Q: Do you think that COVID-19 is impacting us during this holiday season?
A: The short answer is “yes!” However, its important to address how we are affected by COVID this holiday season. It seems to be a “slippery-slope effect” – everything this year appears to be getting worse, and its easy to slide along with it. First the introduction of the pandemic, a summer without normal social interactions, and then another lockdown in the fall. There is a lot of uncertainty about how things will continue to be, and this holiday may serve as a reminder that things will not be the same. Parents are also stressing over making Christmas just as magical for their children this year as in previous years.
Q: How can we cope with holiday stress (especially during COVID)?
A: Below are some steps you can follow to feel less stress about Christmas during COVID…
1. Get curious about your feelings. What are you feeling? Where are these feelings coming from? Are your feelings stemming from previous experience? Do you usually experience sadness during the holiday season, or is the “holidays blues” a new experience for you?
2. Pinpoint what triggers your sadness. Does watching Instagram/Facebook stories make you feel inadequate? Does having a birds-eye view into other people’s lives make you feel bad about yourself? Does watching movies about families gathering for festivities pre-COVID make you sad about your current situation?
3. Minimize exposure to your triggers. Delete or archive social media. Refrain from watching movies/television that makes you sad about social interactions
4. Focus on your own self-care! What makes you feel best? Focus on this! Reading/exercising – devote your time to self care. Do not forget that technology can be your friend too! Schedule Zoom calls with relatives over the Christmas season. It’s always important to reach out to support systems – you are not alone!
Q: What are some things a therapist can do to help?
A: Therapists can help you to cope with your sadness or depression. One of my main goals when first meeting a client is to provide a safe space to lean into these experiences or feelings. Seeing a therapist may be beneficial, as it allows for someone else to look at your situation with fresh eyes and offer ways to cope with your situation.
Q: Do you have any helpful tips for people this holiday season?
A: Here are some easy tips:
Find a cause that you care about, and donate. For example: plant a tree, donate some winter coats, or non-perishable food items.
Be gentle with yourself – do not try to push these feelings down.
It’s okay to feel sad because the holidays are different this year.
If you are dealing with a loss or strained relationships – its ok to feel these things.
One activity that could prove helpful when dealing with loss is to write these people a letter without sending it. By doing this you can make space and release your feelings.
Q: When is it time to see a professional?
A: Seeing a therapist is a way to address those feelings you are having that impede your ability to function normally. Perhaps you are finding it difficult to reach out to family or friends because of fear, guilt, or shame. There is no reason to have these thoughts in relation to therapy. If your relationships and friendships are impacted by your behavior, and you cannot distract yourself from your feelings, it might be the right time to seek help. We can be your safe space!
Whatever it is, we’re here for you.
Life is uncertain. Jobs are stressful. Parenting is hard. Relationships take work. Families can be dysfunctional. And, sometimes love hurts. When you’re confronted by feelings, events, or issues that are making your life challenging, it’s okay to ask for some help.
