Anger Management and Conflict Resolution

It’s a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you’re hurt.

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion that conveys the message that you are feeling upset, threatened or mistreated.

However, while it’s perfectly okay to feel angry, anger becomes a problem when you express it in a way that harms yourself or others.

We can help you express your feelings in a healthier, more constructive way.

  • We offer IN-PERSON counselling sessions at one of our two locations: Burlington, Ontario or Oakville Ontario.

    We also offer VIRTUAL counselling sessions either by secure VIDEO or by PHONE.

  • BURLINGTON

    414 Pearl Street, Unit 11

    Village Square, Burlington, ON L7R 2N1

    OAKVILLE

    775 Pacific Road, Unit 34

    Oakville, ON L6L 6M4

  • INITIAL CONSULTATIONS

    FREE

    We offer free 20 minute consultations with our therapists to ensure that you can get any of your questions about therapy at Peachey Counselling answered and to see if your selected therapist is a good fit for you.

    To book a free consultation, please visit our New Client Bookings page.

    SPECIALIZED SERVICES

    ANGER MANAGEMENT AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION

    STARTING AT $140 CDN*

    *Our rates for these specialized services vary from $140 CDN to $275+ CDN per session based on the service and expertise of the therapist required.

    PLEASE NOTE: Many extended health benefit programs will cover the cost of counselling with a Registered Social Worker. Please check with your insurance provider.

    Additionally, services provided by a Registered Social Worker are tax deductible as a medical expense

Is anger getting in the way?

You might think that venting your anger is healthy, that your anger is justified or that the people around you are too sensitive. But the truth is that anger is much more likely to impair your judgement, get in the way of your success and have a negative impact on the way people see you. Chronic anger that flares up all the time or spirals out of control can have serious consequences for your:

Physical health

Constantly high levels of anger leads to chronic stress making you more susceptible to a weakened immune system that can lead to insomnia, high blood pressure, diabetes and heart disease.

Mental health

It takes a large amount of mental energy to be in a constant state of anger. It clouds your thinking, your judgement and makes it harder for you to enjoy life. It can also lead to stress, depression, and other mental health problems that can effect not only you - but others.

Career

It’s perfectly normal to have differences with your co-workers. Constructive criticism and heated debate can be healthy. But when you lash out at others, it only alienates your colleagues, supervisors, or clients and erodes their respect for you.

Relationships

Anger can make it hard for others to feel comfortable, speak honestly and trust you. Speaking frankly, they may even fear you and that is especially damaging to children. Anger can get in the way of building lasting and healthy relationships with others - whether that’s colleagues, friends, intimate partners, or other family members. Anger can cause lasting scars in the people you love most.

Myths and facts.

Myth: I shouldn’t “hold in” my anger. It’s healthy for me to vent and let it out.

Fact: Anger is not something that has to be ‘let out’ in an aggressive way. While it’s true that suppressing and ignoring your anger is unhealthy, uncontrolled venting is not healthy either. In fact, outbursts and only fuel and reinforce your anger problem.

Myth: Anger, aggression, and intimidation help me earn respect and get what I want.

Fact: People may be afraid of you but respect doesn’t come from bullying others. If you can’t control yourself or handle differing viewpoints in a respectful way, others will not be ‘more’ willing to listen to you and accommodate your needs.

Myth: Anger isn’t something that you can just control. I can’t help myself.

Fact:  You may not be able to control every situation you are in or how it makes you feel, but you are in control of how you express yourself. You should be able to communicate your feelings without being verbally or physically abusive, even if someone is ‘;pushing your buttons’, you always have a choice about how you will respond.

What’s really behind the anger?

If your temper explodes from something small, there’s usually a bigger issue behind it. When you find your irritation and anger rapidly rising, it’s important to ask yourself, “What am I really angry about?”

Do you have a hard time compromising with others?  Do you find hard to understand other people’s perspectives or points of view? Do you often find it difficult to concede in an argument? You might have grown up in a family where the angry person in your family got their way by being the loudest and most demanding. Because of this, compromising might bring up feelings of failure and vulnerability.

Do you view different opinions as a personal challenge to you? Do you find it difficult to believe that your ‘way’ is not ‘the right way’ and get angry at others if they disagree with you? If you have a strong need to be in control, you may interpret other perspectives as a personal challenge to you, rather than simply being a different way of looking at things.

Do you have trouble expressing emotions other than anger?  Do you feel that other emotions like fear, shame and guilt are a weakness? Do you pride yourself for being in control and tough? If you are uncomfortable with expressing different emotions or get stuck with angry responses to situations, you may be using anger as a cover instead of getting in touch with ‘all’ your feelings.

Identifying what makes you angry is the first step.

You have more control over your anger than you think. With insight, you can identify your ‘triggers’ and think about ways to manage or view situations differently so can express your emotions without hurting yourself and others.

Consider that your anger problems have less to do with what ‘happens to you’ and more to do with how you interpret and think about what has happened. When you identify the thought patterns that fuel your anger, you can then learn to reframe how you think about things. Negative thought patterns that can trigger anger include:

Overgeneralizing statements. For example, “You ALWAYS interrupt me. You NEVER consider my needs. EVERYONE disrespects me. I NEVER get the credit I deserve.”

Obsessing over things being ‘your way’. Having a specific black and white view of the way a situation should or must go and getting angry when it doesn’t turn out the way you want.

Jumping to conclusions and mind reading. When you assume to ‘know’ what someone else is thinking or feeling about you—and that they intentionally want to upset you, ignore your wishes, or disrespect you.

Letting the fire build. When you look for things to get upset about, and diminish anything positive, you are fueling the anger within you. You let small irritations build and build until you become a volcano and ‘explode’, often over something relatively minor.

Blaming everything and everyone else. If anything goes wrong or something bad happens it’s always someone else’s fault. You tell yourself, ‘everyone’s against me’ or ‘life’s not fair’ and blame others for your problems rather than taking responsibility for your own emotions and your own life.

How can counselling help?

Never getting angry is not a healthy goal. The true goal of anger management isn’t about suppressing your feelings of anger, but to understand the emotions behind it so you can express yourself in a healthy way - without losing control.

If you are here, you probably already know that your anger is getting in the way of your relationships, career or happiness. It takes a lot of courage to admit that. But, you don’t have to let anger rule your life anymore.

You can build positive and healthy relationships if you start having a good relationship with yourself.

Sometimes, it just about having someone to talk with who can give you objective advice and guidance. Talking with a therapist can provide you with the anger management and conflict resolution strategies you need to ensure that your anger doesn’t continue to hurt yourself or others.

Through counselling you can learn the skills you will need to cope emotionally and work through the reasons behind your anger. You can learn more about yourself and can come to see this as an opportunity for growth and personal development.

We’re here to help you with this difficult challenge.

We are one of a handful of professionals - in our region - who offer therapeutic support for for those need guidance to manage their anger and resolve conflict. The specialized services and workshops we offer are uniquely designed with healthy relationships in mind. Our ultimate goal and role is to help you move forward to manage your anger and conflicts in the least stressful and most positive way possible.

Our specialized services are provided by Registered Social Worker and Accredited Family Mediator, Stefanie Peachey and specially trained members of our therapy team. Each member has their own specialties and experience and has been carefully selected to ensure that the right level of expertise and commitment is here for you.

Let’s talk about how we can help you.

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